Norah vincent self made man dating c 14 age dating
She recounts, "people accept what you convey to them, if you convey it convincingly enough" (12).Thus, gender seems to come from within, psychologically while also being something that one can project.This was partly the result of men who were desperately and "actively trying to squelch any creeping womanly tendencies in themselves and their brothers" because they feared being intimate, even just emotionally, with other men (177-178).
They talked of living in constant fear of other men- fear of losing status, fear of losing their women to other men, and fear of opening up to other men- much of it rooted in literal homophobia and fear of looking weak (248).
One man said he "felt trapped" by people assuming that, because of his large masculine build, that he was a dangerous, insensitive "ape" (256).
If you were female and you lived there, you got used to be stared down because it happened every day and there wasn't anything you could about it" (2)."We walked by those same groups of men. On the contrary, when they met my eyes they looked away immediately and concertedly and never looked back.
It was astounding, the difference, the respect they showed me by not looking at me, by purposefully not staring" (3).
In her account, Self-Made Man, she tells of her experience presenting as a man, whom she calls "Ned," in various social venues such as on a bowling team, in the hetero dating world, in a monastery, in the workplace, and in a men's group.
To those who follow feminism or gender studies, Vincent's insights are not all that startling.
In her account, I found much to suggest that much of gender, although perhaps not all, is what other people give us via how they relate to us."As a woman, you couldn't walk down those streets invisibly.
You were an object of desire or at least semiprurient interest to the men who waited there, even if you weren't pretty- that, or you were just another pussy to be in its place....
While some young women are taught to eroticize the young men who wear that straitjacket with apparent effortlessness, it’s a huge mistake to assume that female desire or expectation is anything more than an ancillary factor in the adoption of the masculine code.
As Michael Kimmel and others have pointed out, what drives American men is the craving for 'homosocial approval' — the longing for the approbation of, older, more powerful males."In a monastery, this craving for male approval is quite obvious.
She doesn't claim to be writing a treatise on sex and gender, but this conflation between essentialism and presentation becomes confusing at times.Tags: Adult Dating, affair dating, sex dating