Application for dating my teenage daughter

Or maybe you have an antique table that's crooked and need something about an inch thick to put under one of the legs.is a warm and funny look at life with teenagers, a survival guide written by a man who isn't sure he's actually surviving.

Or maybe you've got a little girl, and are trying to figure out how to prevent her from becoming a teenager.

(Good luck.) Or maybe you once were a teenage daughter.

In Brucespeak, children are supposed to laugh out loud taking your guidance.

APPLICATION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, lineage, and current medical report from your doctor. The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is: ______________________________________________________________E. __________________________ ______________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________F. When I meet a girl, the thing I always notice about her first is: ______________________________________________________________G. ______________________ RULES: Initial each Rule after reading.

___________________________________________ Signature (that means sign your name) Thank you for your interest. You will be contacted in writing if you are approved. If your application is rejected, you will be notified by two gentleman wearing white ties carrying violin cases (you might watch your back).

__________ If NO, explain________________________________________________________ Number of years married________ If less than your age, Explain________ ________________________________________________________________ Do you own a van? Leaving premises keeping your head low and running in a serpentine fashion is advised. _______________________ Condoms come in packages of A: 3 B: 6 C: 9 D: 12 E: ALL OF THE ABOVE (circle one) I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, CRUCIFIXION, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE AND RED HOT POKERS. __Yes __No (IF YOU ANSWERED 'YES' TO ANY OF THE ABOVE, DISCONTINUE APPLICATION AND LEAVE PREMISES IMMEDIATELY. Do you have an earring, nose ring, pierced tongue, pierced cheek or a belly button ring?Caution: Don't read while drinking coffee." "Bruce Cameron is a funny, funny guy.Buy his book for yourself and a copy for all of your friends NOW before they sell out!NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, lineage, and current medical report from your doctor. A woman's place is in the: ______________________________________________________________ D.

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